I Find Myself

I find myself healed. Not only healed, but thriving. Finally. Talk therapy didn’t work miracles. It helped, sometimes. And sometimes, it set me back. What I know for sure is that it didn’t heal me. As I stumbled onto each new treatment or strategy that helped me heal, I grew more frustrated that I only seemed to find these things by stumbling upon them incidentally and with great luck. And only because I never stopped searching.

The more I spoke to other women, the more I realized I was not alone in my frustration at the lack of information. If you have cancer, there are so many informational sites and forums you can go to. If you suffered a physical trauma, like a car accident, there are support groups and forums ready to welcome you. If you are an adult child of an alcoholic, there’s a support group for that. I’m an adult child of an alcoholic, but that’s not all I am. And, besides, group talk therapy has never healed me, not fully. It has only helped me cope. There’s a big difference.

Do I sound angry? Sometimes I feel angry about how long it took for me to learn about all these effective ways to go about healing, and how much energy and money I spent on things that didn’t work. Stumbling around in the dark is no fun. Then again, I’m on the verge of 40 and I know from experience that I’m one of the lucky ones to have learned how to heal and thrive this young. So many women don’t allow themselves the time to devote to their healing until the kids are grown and gone. Or until they leave their husbands. Or both. So many women never fully heal. I’m not a psychologist or doctor. I’m not a professional healer. Who I am is a survivor of child sexual abuse, childhood physical and emotional abuse, domestic abuse, a failing marriage, a brain tumor, PTSD, and more. I have an ACE (Adverse Childhood Experiences) score of 9 out of 10. To give you some context, a score of 4 or higher is the highest risk category. And yet, I thrive. I didn’t for a long time, but now, I can tell you that with confidence. I learned how to heal and now I am thriving.

You can, too. I want to help you explore how. I want to share with you what I’ve done, the books I’ve read, the Ted Talks and videos that helped, the research I’ve uncovered, the specific kinds of therapy and treatments that carried me through breakthroughs. I want to invite others who have healed and learned to thrive to share their experiences and knowledge with you, too. We need to create a forum where women can help each other learn how to heal, giving practical advice and testimony that other women can learn from. This is how you heal. With help from other women, with the right combination of tools and determination.What about men? Men need to heal too. You bet they do. But men need to heal themselves from different wounds then women carry, and I am not the one to lead that journey. As a woman, I’m here to support other women in their healing, as so many women have supported me in mine.

You want to heal. I’m here to help. We’re all here to help each other.

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